Talking the Talk, Walking the Walk

Today commences this blog's online countdown to April 3: Easter Vigil and my baptism and confirmation into the Roman Catholic church. I've been preparing for and discussing this decision for over a year, and even at this moment, I find myself at a loss for words for explanation. I also do not know how to speak about faith without it feeling corny. So I won't.

Instead, let's discuss more generally the difficulty of living your life by an ascribed set of principles. Every Sunday at Mass, Catholics profess their faith via the Nicene Creed. Belief in the creed is fundamental to being Catholic. But how does that translate to every day life? Do buy a WWJD bumper sticker and put it on the bumper of my car?

What I constantly struggle with is the responsibility associated with professing one's faith. The relatively unreligious first twenty-four years of my life have allowed for a degree of anonymity in this respect. Who knows what I believed and what others might of expected of me. I think, as a general rule, there are some universal scruples that apply in secular and religious codes of conduct. "Thou shou not kill" is a handy example. But the Catholic Church, however, is far more detail-orientated. So much so, that the catechism and the many, many encyclicals seems like more of a check-off list for all the things I've done wrong in the day.

So we have the general disappointment I often feel in myself of not keeping my end of the bargain-- "Catholic guilt," per say. But really, this feeling is true of any doctrine a person truly commits to -- spiritual, political, whatever. It's like being Southern Californian and saying "hella." For realz.

We also have the discomfort I feel of being defined by the stereotype of an identity. The existence of this blog confirms that my ego is robust, and well, it doesn't like for you to think for me inside the box. Or a circle for that matter, too. I want to be the llama in the sheep herd.

But, at the end of the day, religion does function as a social marker, even if it may have more profound individual meanings. And like a light beckoning a fly is an invitation for judgement.

Thus, as per usual, we end the night in a general state of confusion, except for this one point: every so often in life, we act because we know it's right. I don't mean this in the "right" or "wrong" sense, but in that you just know this is what you're meant to do. This could manifest in terms of taking a new job, moving to a new city, dumping a deadbeat boyfriend, chopping off all your hair, getting married, and so on and so forth. To me, that's faith: making a decision and feeling confident enough to stick with it.

And there I go being corny again. Goodnight!